Kat's Quill

It’s Halloween and most people are thinking about costumes and candy, but I’m thinking about tomorrow.

NaNoWriMo – or shortened even further to “NaNo”, or even “nano” if you’re lazy –  is short for National Novel Writing Month. It has been in existence since 1999 and I became aware of it in 2003, but I didn’t start participating until 2009. According to their site I have been a member since 9\9\09. Anyone into numerology who can tell me give me some BS answer as to what such a number might mean? 😉 I’m assuming it means I’ll develop blue polka dots on my face 68 days after my 57th birthday, but my calculations may be off. Especially since I pulled that out of my butt.

NaNo is sometimes called a contest but it is more accurately described as a challenge. You challenge yourself to write at least fifty thousand words during the thirty days of November. Aside from the times when the story just fizzled out, I haven’t had any trouble with the word count. I usually end up with 50k (which everyone calls winning, because it is a win!!) by November 25th. And then I usually finish the story in the first few days of December.

I’ve participated every year since then. I’ve written, therefore, fourteen first drafts. Eight of them turned into books, three of which aren’t yet published (though hopefully I’ll get two of them pushed out the door early next year). Twice I took a second run at a story, which helped once and didn’t help the other time.

I really do like my own writing. I’m not saying I’m excellent at it, just that I like to read my own stuff. Both the writing and the story are good for me, once I iron out the wrinkles. Sometimes when I’m writing I’ll find myself on the edge of sleep at bedtime wanting to know what happens next in a story I’m currently writing. Gotta write it first, Kat!

This years book is called either Uncalled or The Uncalled. I haven’t decided. In my fantasy world, a threat is rising and the ‘new’ god isn’t around to help address it, so without even knowing they were doing it much less why, the old gods of the place start calling people to them. One that’s called knows of the threat and seeks out the goddess of the country she lives in so some way to save everyone from the threat can be found. That’s not a great summary, but until I’ve written it I can’t summarize it very well!

The idea started to come to me last spring. Even though I had nothing more than a partial idea of “what if” (the basic premise of speculative fiction, primarily fantasy and science-fiction, but applies in a different way to all stories) I was excited by the idea. And I thought, oh, I have months and months; I can just let the story come to me! But it didn’t happen. I got a few glimpses, but no thunderbolts. November came closer and closer. I was nearly panicking when October 1st came around and I only had a handful of scattered notes. I only knew how the story started and what the challenge to my characters was. But today I have ten pages of outline, all the way to the end of the story, and I feel ready. I hope it’s good!

Happy NaNo, everybody!!

With a certain billionaire taking a sledgehammer to a certain popular social media platform, I’ve been moving my social media presence over to Mastodon. Mastodon is a little complicated at first, but I think it’s going to be well worth it. You can find me over there at @thejustkat If you don’t have an account and/or have questions, I may be able to help you. My contact information is on the ‘about’ tab.

I’m in the middle of what feels like five thousand projects, especially if you count all the blog posts I want to write, even if you only include ones I’ve created a blank page for with just a title or a sentence or two as a placeholder.

I failed NaNoWriMo this year, primarily by choosing a story that needed less than fifty thousand words to tell. I haven’t finished it, but I got to the end of the outline. There’s stuff to add, but even when that’s all written it still won’t be fifty thousand words. But! It will be a story that’s out of my head after nineteen years (and more like 35 for the idea that inspired the format for the story). And that’s no small thing! At this point I’m of two minds as to how worth it it would be to polish it into something sellable. Thresholds is a weird story. Even written perfectly (an unrealistic goal) I think I’d have a hell of a time getting a publisher interested. Hell, I don’t expect my friends to like it! It’s still too early to know if I like it!

Meanwhile The Spell Builders is pretty much ready to be published as soon as my cover artist is done. I’d like to get Unbreaking done next year (which also needs a cover). My 2020 NaNo project, The Beeherders could conceivably be made ready to publish next year, but the other two should go first.

And I’m hoping to come up with a good, new idea for NaNo ’23. Eighty thousand words of some fun fantasy.

But yeah, just toodling along through life, learning, laughing, doing my best.

(Written in 2004)

I think a lot of us have at one time or another asked, “Why me????” I have an answer of sorts. Well, a reply, in any case. You might not like it. But that’s okay with me, as long as *I* don’t have to hear you whine.

First of all, just don’t. And not just because nobody wants to hear it. Don’t do it because it is incredibly useless. You’re wasting your time and the time of anyone within earshot. You’re wasting oxygen for cripes sakes. It is about a million times more useful to find out what can be done about your problem than to ask why it happened to you. While you’re at it, don’t even bother trying to assign blame. Maybe it is someone else’s fault. It doesn’t matter. No matter whose fault it is, at the end of the day you still have a problem that needs your attention. Assigning blame is another tremendous waste of time and energy.

Secondly, no matter what it might look like, you wouldn’t want to trade your problems for anyone else’s. Just remember that everything is relative. What is a light burden to you might be the final straw for someone else and vice versa.

My third point reflects my spiritual beliefs and as such you may disregard it. In fact, go ahead and disregard anything you like. Anyway, this belief is that we are made up of the sum of our experiences. Our selves are recreated every moment. Take away any day, any moment and we are somebody else. I don’t know about you, but contemplating such a change sends me into fits of existential angst. I just don’t go there.

My final point is perhaps the hardest hitting. If not you, then who? Your worst enemy? Your best friend? Your parent? Your child?

So buck up. Worry about causes only to the extent that it might help you avoid the situation in the future. Face the facts and find a way to deal with them. Maybe you need help with that: then get it! Be grateful your problems are yours rather being inflicted on someone you love and be grateful that you only have to play the cards you are dealt rather than somebody else’s cards.

Originally written in 2003

Let’s face it: I know very little about grammar. Oh, I have a good grasp on the order in which words should go, but I don’t know much else. Year after year in school they taught me. And year after year I managed to pound it into my head just long enough to pass a test regarding it. Then I forgot it. I wouldn’t know a gerund* from a gerbil. But if there is one thing I know, it is how to use an apostrophe.

You’d think with that degree of ignorance, I would take a more relaxed attitude where the apostrophe is concerned. But no. It absolutely drives me nuts when people don’t use the apostrophe correctly. My high horse may be a shetland pony, but boy am I on it.

Here’s my wee apostrophe lesson.

Apostrophes are used in two contexts: possessives and contractions.

A possessive is when you are saying that a noun belongs to a pronoun. In other words, if the balloon belongs to Suzy, it is Suzy’s balloon. If the pronoun is plural (ends in “s”) the rule is not to put another “s” after the apostrophe. In other words, if the room belongs to the Senators, it is the Senators’ room, not the Senators’s room. And if you write “the Senator’s room” you are saying it belongs to only one Senator.

A contraction is when you are smooshing two words together to form one word:

• you+are=you’re (NOT your, that is a possessive and yes that is a little confusing, but just learn it okay?)
• are+not = Aren’t
• they+are=they’re (not their, not there)

Probably the most confusing situation is the possessive of “it” and the contraction “it+is” I don’t know if the decision to differentiate or the decision of which word would get the apostrophe was arbitrary but differentiated they are. But here it is:

• *it+is=it’s
• the possessive of it is its.
  Just learn it

Okay, rant over. If you ever have an apostrophe question, feel free to ask.

*I have actually finally learned this: a gerund is a verb ending in “ing”. So now you know too.

Originally written in 2003

The phrase “reasonable and proportionate” has been on my mind a lot lately. Both in terms of mood and reaction. I think it is very important for me as a bipolar person. In a nutshell this is because everyone can be moody, everyone is exuberantly happy sometimes, everyone is blue sometimes; but when you are bipolar these states may have no relation to external events or may be drastically out of proportion to them.

If a normal person is “moody”, that usually means they tend towards gloom, or perhaps hold on to a mood longer than what is considered average. When a bipolar person is moody this can mean something else entirely. I can go from bouncing off the walls to incapacitating sadness several times a day.

It is almost preposterous to compare euphoric mania to a good mood. Though I’ve never tried cocaine, I’ve had its effects described to me and I think that high might well be compared to mania. I will make an attempt to describe it from my own experience. When I am manic, I am practically a goddess. I am tremendously wise; I can pass out advice and judgement and it is all obvious to me and unquestionably correct. I am also irresistibly attractive: cute, sexy, gorgeous. And of course, I must dress accordingly. And oh boy am I funny! I’m witty, clever. I can’t shut up, but I’m so entertaining that who could mind? I have enough energy for two normal people, and while I get sleepy, actually getting sleep isn’t all that important. I have plans galore! I will write a book! I will find a bluegrass band that needs a singer! I will shame Martha Stewart with my homemaking prowess! And that part of me that keeps my natural impulse towards mischief in check is on a lunch break. It’s a great deal of fun while it’s happening, but can be embarrassing in hindsight.

Mania has another face. Its nearest equivalent for normal people is irritability. It certainly includes being irritable, but alas there is more. Too much energy for comfort and not enough focus to use the energy effectively. There is sensory overload – maybe I sense more of things, or maybe that part of my brain that knows how to sort, process and prioritize the information has gone on vacation like my self-restraint does in the happy mania. I have absolutely no patience. Oh, it’s maddening. I just feel like I’m going to jump out of my skin, and I even want to do that because it seems like it would be a relief. My very soul itches in that state.

Everyone gets “the blues” sometimes, even bipolar people. And even depression is so common that it is mistakenly diagnosed as the problem for many people who are bipolar, and it is sometimes years before the mistake is caught. I
think depression is better understood than mania, so I won’t described it in detail here. Please, my readers, if you feel like you don’t understand depression, I’ll change this paragraph and describe it a little. For now let it suffice to say that “the blues” don’t make people think “I want to die” all day long every day.

Above I have been defining terms, so that I can discuss what is reasonable and proportionate and what is not.

It is reasonable and proportionate to find yourself temporarily incapacitated with sadness at the death of a friend. Not so much if the friend didn’t call you back promptly. If you decide to go out on the town to celebrate getting a great promotion and maybe go a bit nutty with the drinking, that is reasonable and proportionate. Not so much if you decide to go out on the town to celebrate it being Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, etc … especially if “out” includes out of the state (of course, this could also mean you’re an alcoholic) (note, I’m making these examples up for the most part).

This concept is a reality check for me. If my moods are fluctuating, I ask myself, if they are or are not fluctuating in
proportion to the events taking place in my life. Today, as I write this, they are not. However, the moods are not intense so the situation is not something I am worried about. I have also taken to using this as a yardstick for the behavior of others when they ask “is this normal?” I am hoping to teach myself this check mechanism so well that it becomes automatic – that if I find myself behaving in an unreasonable and disproportionate manner I can at least try to reign in and seek help… and in other situations I can reassure myself that what I am feeling is “normal”.

[editorial note: I can NOT figure out why I have unnecessary paragraph breaks, I apologize!]

Originally written in 2003

Human beings are sentient omnivores. This gives us certain rights and obligations with regard to other creatures.

We eat just about anything. Our bodies are designed to have a certain balance of these things. Certain cultures have ‘evolved’ to have more tolerance for a diet weighted more towards meat and probably others toward a diet weighted more towards vegetables. Most of us require a good balance of the two, though vegetarians/vegans can, with effort, get the proteins their bodies require through a delicate combination of different types of vegetable life. But whatever we eat, we do, in fact, eat. As creatures of this planet we have a right to try to get what foods we need and want, and a right to do our best to protect our food sources.

Many creatures are omnivores like ourselves and we don’t expect them to become vegetarians. Many creatures are carnivores and though their table manners may seem somewhat repugnant to us, I’ve never heard it suggested that they become vegetarians either. There is no nutritional reason why human beings should feel any pressure to change our natural eating proclivities. From our digestive system to our teeth we are designed to eat both plants and animals. On behalf of the majority of humanity I’d like to tell proselytizing vegetarians to eff off.

We have the right to try to protect our food sources. If that means keeping cattle in corrals and chickens in chicken houses, that is perfectly all right. If it means putting poison out to kill snails in our gardens, that is perfectly all right. If that means setting dogs on ground squirrels in our fields that is perfectly all right. If that means putting up electrified fences to keep deer out of our gardens, that is perfectly all right. If that means putting traps out for cockroaches in our kitchens, flypaper hanging from our ceilings, and mousetraps in our cupboards, that is perfectly all right. I’m sure my point is clear.

But we are not simply omnivorous creatures. We think, we reason. It is my contention that this places a burden of responsibility and obligation upon us.

There is no reason to kill things that we have no intention of eating and that are not threatening us or our food supply. In fact, it is wrong to do so. It is wasteful, cruel and/or vain. Hunt the deer if you are going to eat it. Don’t hunt it for its head. If you’ve eaten the deer and want to put its head on your wall… well it’s a bit crass, but it can’t be said to be wasteful, other than in the sense that it deprives those useful creatures that dispose of organic waste for us of a meal. Wear the rabbit fur if someone, at least, has eaten the rabbit. Would you like to eat a mink? I didn’t think so. Cowhides are empty before they become leather. I don’t know for certain that we eat those cows, but I’m guessing that if we don’t, our domesticated animal friends do.

Don’t step on ants outside. What have they done to you or yours? And what about spiders in your house? Black widows and certainly some other kinds of spiders are genuine threats to your life or health. Most spiders are not. And have you thought about what spiders eat? Bugs. Would you rather have bugs eating your food, or spiders eating the bugs? I’m not saying you have to live with them, but I am trying to suggest that killing them just because they are there is not only cruel and wasteful but is ungrateful as well. If you don’t want them in your house, transport them outside where they can continue their good work (even if it no longer benefits you). If you encounter a rattlesnake beyond the bounds of your own land, shooting it is mere cowardice. It is just going about it’s business, which primarily consists of eating rodents. Somebody’s got to do that, and it probably isn’t going to be you. If you respect the nature of the snake, it will go on its way and you can go on yours. If you find a snake on your property, the proper thing is to remove it or have it removed for you. If you have a nest of snakes, the only practical thing to do to protect yourself may be to exterminate it.

I don’t fail to recognize that along with sentience comes imagination. We can be afraid when we’re not being threatened because we can imagine danger. We can “what if” like nobody’s business. We don’t corner the market on making mistakes, of course. We also can be lazy. As with any fault, beating ourselves up about it is not productive. It is much more useful to forgive ourselves and try to do better in the future. I’m not asking anyone to feel guilty because they have killed spiders in their houses. I certainly have. Sometimes it is easier than carrying them outside. Sometimes they are simply too scary looking to approach close enough to trap and transport. I can only do two things at this point: focus my energies on behaving in a more humane fashion and educate my children to have respect for all living things.

It takes only the briefest of scrolling to see that I haven’t made much use of this blog over the last……. six years. But my writing career – and I use that term very loosely – has chugged along without it.

The fourth Daganu book, The Long Dark, is out via Smashwords, but is not yet published on Amazon. I’ll be getting to that within the next few months. The fifth Daganu book, The Spell Builders is ready to format for publishing, and on tap for this year’s National Novel Writing Month (known affectionately as NaNoWriMo, or more informally, Nano) is a sixth. The Spell Builders is narrated by Ko and is primarily set in pre-history. The sixth book – working title The Unicorn Portal – goes back to Joe as narrator and picks up some few weeks after the end of The Long Dark. I’ve tried a sixth book more than once, but I do think it will stick this time, and I’m really looking forward to writing it!

I have two other fantasy novels in editing that are not Daganu books:

Unbreaking will probably come out next year. The book starts in 2018, but immediately leaves this universe, so the date becomes irrelevant. Unbreaking is my longest  novel, and there are other things about it that make it unique to me, but either are spoilers or would be boring shop-talk to most.

The Beeherders was last year’s Nano project, and I only finished the draft a few months ago. That one is set in 2020 in the San Francisco Bay Area – specifically the East Bay. There was a major technical challenge in the way that story is constructed, and it felt good to see it come together and work. It was kind of a trip to write a book set during the pandemic… And we didn’t even have a vaccine when I started that draft! On the other hand, we also hadn’t been through that absolute hell of a winter surge.

So that’s where we are today. One book in formatting, two books in editing, and one in the planning stage. I have a number of non-fiction blog pieces I want to write, but I won’t tackle them until after Nano. Submissions for Fastlane will not be emphasized during Nano, but will be written as the muse moves me. (The muse also drives a Jeep.)